Thank You, Jay!

Jay Brannan has liberated the pre-pubescent 13-year-old girl inside of this 30-year-old gay man, and for that, I will always be grateful.

I discovered Jay one random summer afternoon a year ago while watching LOGO. Between random programs I cannot remember, his video for Body's a Temple came on. From the first note, I was enraptured. The lyrics were poetic, full of intense images and raging with emotion. And Jay was GORGEOUS! Fuzzy, crew-cut head and scruffy face; slim muscular body wrapped in a tight t-shirt and jeans; hands conjuring magic on his guitar. He was sex on a stool, a black-and-white embodiment of my every desire, surrounded by images of New York City - my hometown. I was in fan-love by the end of the first chorus.

I forced myself to draw my attention away from him at the end of the video to catch his name. Jay Brannan. I ran to my computer, chanting his name so that I wouldn't forget. Through the wonders of Google, I found his website inside of 30 seconds, and I proceeded to devour it over the next several hours. I watched every video, listened to every song, and read over word. And thus, an obsession was born.

I netflixed Shortbus, a movie in which he stars. Just short of outright pornography, I looked past the graphic sex to find a story of love, lust, longing, and discovery. And though the DVD extras, I came to view the film as true art, powerful and honest. (And I'd like to think I'm being objective in saying that!) I subscribed to Jay's page on YouTube and joined his e-mail list. I bought Disasterpiece, his first (half)album, during it's second release. Besides listening to it a couple thousand times, I cherish my original polaroid and personally signed CD sleeve.

Then this spring, he announced the release of his first full-length studio album and accompanying tour. I went into full-on obsession mode, marking the dates on my calendar. I bought my tickets the morning they became available, and I downloaded the album, goddamned, as soon as it appeared on iTunes. And I planned a trip to Washington DC, which was where I had to go to see him perform. Luckily, I had friends there who agreed to come with me. (You'll read more about them later.)

My year-long love affair with Jay came to a climax on July 13th. It was the second show on his "Fat is a Feeling, Not a Shape" tour, at the 9:30 Club in downtown DC. I had made Natala a fan already, but Lindsay and Matt less so. We got there early and snagged seats in the 4th row. After a few drinks and some patient waiting, Chris Pureka, Jay's opening act, took the stage and set the stage. It was going to be a night of introspective, angst-ridden folk music. If anything was going to speak to my inner-teenage girl, the combination of Chris and Jay would do it in spades.

I can only describe my feelings when Jay came out as giddy. He talked to the crowd while he got himself situated less than 30 feet in front of me. He claims to have stage fright, but I think his personality comes out as he stands, exposed, before an audience. The guy is HILAROUS, by the way, which is an interesting juxtaposition with the anger, anguish and sorrow so present in his songs. He proceeded to play just about all of my favorites - Half-Boyfriend, Can't Have It All, Body's a Temple, Housewife, American Idol. He also did a Joni Mitchell cover to perfection, and his comical Straight Outta Compton. For a little more than an hour, I marvelled at his brilliance. There's nothing complicated or fancy about his music. Just straightforward, honest lyricism and smooth, sweet vocals.

The show ended much too quickly. Then again, it still would have been too short if he had played all night. I drinked in the experience, and felt HAPPY. Truly incredible. Afterwards, Jay appeared in the back of the room, by the merchandise, and proceeded to meet his fans, autograph random items, and even pose for pictures. Had it not been for Lindsay, Natala, and Matt, I would probably have been too shy to meet him. But with their encouragement, I waited my turn. I got to shake his hand and congratulate him. He thanked me for coming, signed the CD I bought, and took pictures with us.

What's so great about Jay is his conviction and his passion. He's pursued his music regardless of the obstacles in his way. His songs are a window into his soul, and I can only imagine the kind of courage it takes to put oneself out there like that. He refuses to compromise his integrity for success, and in the process, he's made success for himself. I admire that about him.

Thank you, Jay! If you ever find yourself in eastern PA, this fan would be more than happy to treat a staving artist to a hearty meal and good conversation.

(l-r) Lindsay, JAY, Me, and Natala

Photos courtesy of Matt and Natala Constantine.