Dialogue of the Day - 7.31.08

Capt. Hammer: This is so nice. / I just might sleep with the same girl twice. /They say it's better the second time. / They say you get to do the weird stuff.

Chorus: We do the weird stuff.

-- "So They Say," from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, Act III

Time for a little light-hearted humor! I've already touched upon my newfound fandom for Joss Whedon, and this is where it all started. Dr. Horrible is a three-part original web musical series that sprung from the stilted creativity caused by the writer's strike this past winter. Whedon and company moved forward with it, even after the strike ended, and the result is probably the most entertaining, most original, and most excellent nugget of pop culture I have had the pleasure to experience.

Rest assured that other songs will be featured in days/weeks/months to come. I chose this particular lyric simply because I find it hilarious! Capt. Hammer (, Corporate Tool) is the self-important "hero" of the tale; however, his conceit, womanizing, superiority and questionable motivations truly make him villainous. You know the type - a fame whore with a carefully cultivated public image who revels in every opportunity to take sleazy advantage of the attention he receives.

The zinger here comes by way of the chorus. You've got three young, wide-eyed "fans" who obsess over their fantasies of Capt. Hammer. Like groupies, they'll do anything, including the "weird stuff" in order to get close to the object of their affection. The commentary is sharp and witty, and the presentation, within the song, is truly laugh-out-loud!

I hope you enjoy "So They Say," and I hope it motivates you to watch the entirety of Dr. Horrible. It's still available for free on Hulu.com, or you can download it at iTunes.

Dialogue of the Day - 7.30.08

Ephram: Mom would never have done this to us! She never would have moved us here and gone crazy!

Andy: Don’t be so sure of that!

Ephram: I am sure! Alright, I knew her. You didn’t know her. You were never around. We all just tolerated you.

Andy: Hey, that’s pretty good. What else you got?

Ephram: I wish you died instead of her!

Andy: Well, I wish I did, too, you little bastard!

Ephram: I hate you!

Andy: I hate you right back! Now get in that house!

-- Everwood, “Pilot”

Treat Williams (left) and Gregory Smith as Andy and Ephram Brown.

This is quite possibly my favorite scene in scripted dramatic television. Let me set it up for you.

Andy Brown is a big-shot NYC neurosurgeon – a complete workaholic with an ego the size of the Statue of Liberty. So wrapped up in his practice and the gravitas of saving lives, he completely neglects his family. Ephram is his son, a musical prodigy who resents his father’s absenteeism. On the night of Ephram’s piano recital, Andy ignores his wife’s phone calls and his secretary’s reminders, continuing to work late into the night through the recital. As he is leaving the hospital, he is greeted by police officers delivering the bad news. Julia was in a car accident rushing to get to the recital, and had died.

As a result, Andy realizes the error of his ways and sets out to make things right by moving his family to Everwood, Colorado. An already disaffected and jaded Ephram is angered by this. He has trouble adjusting in school, and gets into a fight defending his father. While Andy tries to be a parent, Ephram shows him the type of respect he feel he deserves – none. This is the resulting exchange. We learn later than Julia had passed through the town as a child. She was so taken by it's beauty that she told Andy (during a conversation about mortality) that Everwood is where she would be if anything were to ever happen to her.

Every word is shouted, razor sharp, and lightening quick. The emotions are raw and real. Ephram’s anger and resentment; Andy’s grief and regret. In a few short lines of dialogue, the monumental pain within each of these characters explodes on screen. The whole construct of family is exposed here as Andy tries to rebuild their lives without Julia. The unrealistic expectations, disappointment, and misplaced trust work together over time to slowly destroy the bonds of family, as evidenced by Andy and Ephram's declarations of hatred. However, an undercurrent of love provides hope in a seemingly hopeless situation. You see Ephram's love for his father by his apparent desire for more involved father, and you see Andy's love for his son by the chilling admission that he would have preferred to have died instead of the woman whose love held the family together.

I don’t think I’ve ever been brought to tears so quickly in my life. I got chills watching it again, in order to transcribe it for you here.

For your viewing pleasure:

Dialogue of the Day - 7.29.08

Noah: You know, not every relationship is destined to fail.

Luke: Maybe not in fantasy land. But in the real world, no, happy endings don’t exist. That’s why romantic comedies don’t have sequels. Nobody gets happily ever after.

-- As the World Turns, July 24, 2008

Actors Van Hansis (left) and Jake Silbermann (right), who play

Luke Snyder and Noah Mayer on As The World Turns.

For my second installment of DOD, I felt compelled to introduce another of my obsessions. Being in training for my future career as a housewife, I have already adopted my soap opera of choice – As the World Turns.

Like any other self respecting gay boy, I had been a fan of soap operas since early childhood. I basically grew up in my grandmother’s kitchen, where her “stories” dominated the midday hours. Along with ATWT, she watched The Young and the Restless, The Bold and the Beautiful, and General Hospital. Because she watched, I watched. For a while, I made her videotape the shows that came on while I was in school. When it became too cumbersome to stay up on all of them, I reluctantly scaled back my viewing to only include GH. I finally gave up on that after my sophomore year in college, when I let a friend borrow my TV for the summer and never got it back (long story for another day).

Fast forward ten years and throw in a DVR, and it was only a matter of time before I picked up soap viewing once again. Truth be told, I probably wouldn’t have returned to daytime television had I not read a news clipping about the impending romantic storyline planned for daytime’s first central gay male character, Luke Snyder on As the World Turns. During the summer of 2007, ATWT planned to introduce a love interest for Luke, marking another first in daytime history. Naturally, I was compelled to see how it would be handled, and thus, the obsession was born.

The character of Noah Mayer arrived in Oakdale in late May, and immediately took up with recently single teen, Maddie, who just happened to be Luke’s best friend. While their straight romance progressed, Luke harbored an unrequited crush on Noah. That is, until a palpable sexual tension began to develop between Luke and Noah. As Noah struggled to come to grips with his sexuality, all types of drama ensued, culminating in Maddie’s heartbreaking discovery that her boyfriend was gay and the triumphant pairing of Luke and Noah.

Now, this being a soap opera, the plot has since worked its way through several ridiculous contrivances, which have included: Luke getting shot by Noah’s homophobic military father (who also murdered Noah’s madame mother and a wealthy town rascal who was about to find out about his crime); Luke’s ensuing paralysis; Noah’s discomfort with being openly gay; Noah’s sham marriage to a female Iraqi refugee (who had a history with Noah’s father); the kidnapping of Noah’s “wife” by his father; Noah’s father’s suicide; and Noah’s near-enlistment in the army. Ongoing false steps made by ATWT producers swirl around the couple’s lack of intimacy. They have kissed on the show maybe half a dozen times in the year that they have been a couple (including a 200+ day run as counted by AfterElton.com), and they have yet to have sex. As trailblazing as this storyline has been in depicting young gay love, they continually treat Luke and Noah’s relationship with kid gloves.

While everything going on around them seems preposterous, their affection for one another remains very real and poignant. Which brings me to today’s DOD. Luke is reacting to the revelation that his father, the honorable Holden Snyder, has been having an extramarital affair. Luke is understandably disillusioned and hurt. Noah tries to rationalize Holden’s actions and assure him that true love does exist. The scene goes on to tap into Luke’s insecurities, stemming from the fact that the two have not had sex, despite Luke’s advances, and from Noah’s prior heterosexual experiences. Noah declares his love for Luke, saying that he wants their first time to be special.

I chose this piece of dialogue because it resonated with me on a more transcendent level. While Luke’s outlook can be viewed as pessimistic and defeatist, it offers a kernel of truth. “Happily Ever After” marks both the idealistic realization of love and the realistic beginning of couplehood. As evidenced by today’s divorce rate, 1 in 2 happy endings don’t pan out. The ones that do make it are weathered by hardship and struggle effectively negating the notion of “Happily Ever After.”

I do believe in love. I’ve witnessed some pretty powerful examples of it in my life, which make me hopeful. But I can understand Luke’s thought process. In the face of so much failure, it’s hard to keep the faith. I hope his character, and ATWT, can remain faithful in telling this honest gay love story, regardless of the outcome.

Dialogue of the Day - 7.28.07

"… it's been a while — a long, damn while — since anybody but me took ahold of my plow…"

-- Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, to Saffron, as he is being seduced

"Old Mrs. Reynolds," Firefly, Episode #6

Welcome to a new feature of "IWBAH." In an effort to highlight some of the more clever, brilliant, cheeky, and sometimes trash-tastic writing in entertainment, I offer Dialogue of the Day. It could be from last night's television, last year's hit movie, a cheesy 80's song, advertising jingle, or any other sound bite that insites laughter, introspection, or nostalgia.

Our inaugural installment is from Firefly. Props to Lindsay for brow beating me into watching this show. Joss Whedon is a true genius of television, offering up some of the most witty, layered, and poignant dialogue. No doubt Joss will be the subject of future DOD entries. Stay tuned.

I welcome suggestions. Share yours in the comments, or send me an e-mail.

Goodbye, Weekend

Sunday night is probably the most miserable part of the week. Work looms in the morning, and the weekend that was usually feels too short, rushed and disappointing.

This weekend was better than most. I created this blog, which I'm excited about. I'm hoping this will prompt me to start writing again; get the creative juices flowing. Only time will tell, but I'm hopeful. Then, I had dinner last night at my brother's, which means I got to spend time with my nephew. If ever there was a pure, unadulterated source of joy, Mikey is it. I love that kid so much! I'll share photos at a later date...

Today, I spent the whole day watching episodes of Firefly online and doing laundry. About 7 episodes and 5 loads of laundry, to be exact. Thanks to Lindsay, I have discovered the genius that is Joss Whedon. If you haven't seen Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog, go to iTunes and download it NOW! Trust me, it's worth the $3.99. And you'll soon learn that I am addicted to television, and especially good scripted dramas. Firefly is so intelligent, emotional, action-packed, and complex. Once I looked past the western and outer space genres, I fell in love with the characters. And as strong as the plot is, it primarily serves to advance and expose the characters. Totally up my alley. Oh, and it's HILARIOUS, too.

Despite the productivity, I hate doing laundry, so it was nice to have a diversion. Hopefully enjoying laundry is not a prerequisite for being a good housewife. Otherwise, I'll have to rethink my goals. Still, it got done (finally), and I felt accomplished.

However, none of this changes the fact that I have work in the morning, and I should be getting to bed. My alarm will go off in approximately 7 hours, I'll ignore it for another hour, rush to get ready, and leave the house late (as usual), just to get to the office and face the bullshit I was so happy to leave behind on Friday. It could be worse. I could hate my job.

Here's hoping that tomorrow isn't a typical Monday! Goodbye to another weekend. Only 5 days until the next one!

Thank You, Jay!

Jay Brannan has liberated the pre-pubescent 13-year-old girl inside of this 30-year-old gay man, and for that, I will always be grateful.

I discovered Jay one random summer afternoon a year ago while watching LOGO. Between random programs I cannot remember, his video for Body's a Temple came on. From the first note, I was enraptured. The lyrics were poetic, full of intense images and raging with emotion. And Jay was GORGEOUS! Fuzzy, crew-cut head and scruffy face; slim muscular body wrapped in a tight t-shirt and jeans; hands conjuring magic on his guitar. He was sex on a stool, a black-and-white embodiment of my every desire, surrounded by images of New York City - my hometown. I was in fan-love by the end of the first chorus.

I forced myself to draw my attention away from him at the end of the video to catch his name. Jay Brannan. I ran to my computer, chanting his name so that I wouldn't forget. Through the wonders of Google, I found his website inside of 30 seconds, and I proceeded to devour it over the next several hours. I watched every video, listened to every song, and read over word. And thus, an obsession was born.

I netflixed Shortbus, a movie in which he stars. Just short of outright pornography, I looked past the graphic sex to find a story of love, lust, longing, and discovery. And though the DVD extras, I came to view the film as true art, powerful and honest. (And I'd like to think I'm being objective in saying that!) I subscribed to Jay's page on YouTube and joined his e-mail list. I bought Disasterpiece, his first (half)album, during it's second release. Besides listening to it a couple thousand times, I cherish my original polaroid and personally signed CD sleeve.

Then this spring, he announced the release of his first full-length studio album and accompanying tour. I went into full-on obsession mode, marking the dates on my calendar. I bought my tickets the morning they became available, and I downloaded the album, goddamned, as soon as it appeared on iTunes. And I planned a trip to Washington DC, which was where I had to go to see him perform. Luckily, I had friends there who agreed to come with me. (You'll read more about them later.)

My year-long love affair with Jay came to a climax on July 13th. It was the second show on his "Fat is a Feeling, Not a Shape" tour, at the 9:30 Club in downtown DC. I had made Natala a fan already, but Lindsay and Matt less so. We got there early and snagged seats in the 4th row. After a few drinks and some patient waiting, Chris Pureka, Jay's opening act, took the stage and set the stage. It was going to be a night of introspective, angst-ridden folk music. If anything was going to speak to my inner-teenage girl, the combination of Chris and Jay would do it in spades.

I can only describe my feelings when Jay came out as giddy. He talked to the crowd while he got himself situated less than 30 feet in front of me. He claims to have stage fright, but I think his personality comes out as he stands, exposed, before an audience. The guy is HILAROUS, by the way, which is an interesting juxtaposition with the anger, anguish and sorrow so present in his songs. He proceeded to play just about all of my favorites - Half-Boyfriend, Can't Have It All, Body's a Temple, Housewife, American Idol. He also did a Joni Mitchell cover to perfection, and his comical Straight Outta Compton. For a little more than an hour, I marvelled at his brilliance. There's nothing complicated or fancy about his music. Just straightforward, honest lyricism and smooth, sweet vocals.

The show ended much too quickly. Then again, it still would have been too short if he had played all night. I drinked in the experience, and felt HAPPY. Truly incredible. Afterwards, Jay appeared in the back of the room, by the merchandise, and proceeded to meet his fans, autograph random items, and even pose for pictures. Had it not been for Lindsay, Natala, and Matt, I would probably have been too shy to meet him. But with their encouragement, I waited my turn. I got to shake his hand and congratulate him. He thanked me for coming, signed the CD I bought, and took pictures with us.

What's so great about Jay is his conviction and his passion. He's pursued his music regardless of the obstacles in his way. His songs are a window into his soul, and I can only imagine the kind of courage it takes to put oneself out there like that. He refuses to compromise his integrity for success, and in the process, he's made success for himself. I admire that about him.

Thank you, Jay! If you ever find yourself in eastern PA, this fan would be more than happy to treat a staving artist to a hearty meal and good conversation.

(l-r) Lindsay, JAY, Me, and Natala

Photos courtesy of Matt and Natala Constantine.